Another day

Tiger started her first day of Kindergarten. Wow, was I not expecting the emotion to flood me. Gabe held me last night as I wet for the 5 years that at that moments I wanted to speed up. And now I want all back and never to go away. To think that all I get of her is weekends and 4 hours in the evening before bed. When did they change 1/2 days to full 8 hours days for the little ones. I feel guilty for the moments I said was to busy to listen or the impatient moments I wanted to tap out. I see myself alone in 4years with a totally different life. And all I want is the one I have. These are the greatest days of my life and I see them slipping away quickly and it scares me. I love my life getting the kids dressed, fed, bustling around my house, playing with them, the cuddling moments, there voices in the background of my day as they play. I am never wanting that to go away. Now I know why woman have many children.

Anna is coping very well, except there is jealousy of why sissy gets to be at school around other children. On our way home she was talking about being a Cubbie and how she wants to bring a lunch there. Then she hit me up about picking up Havy Baby to play with her. I knew that I wasn't going to be the best company today. But in some ways feeling this has made me even more aware of the limited time I have with her and what I want to share while she is still at home. But while you are in the moment it is a struggle to keep the focus and she begins to wine :)

Grizzly and I danced in the living room this morning. Looking at him bring alot of memories back of Tiger. The look very similar excpet Grizzly is more a pleasant baby. He smiled up at me and gave me kisses on my arm as I sang to him as we waltzed on the slab of carpet. Looking at him and feeling like there is time is refreshing.

Gabe amazes me sometime how soft hearted he is. He really wanted to go the school today and drop Tig of. He listened to me until midnight weeping on how I wish I had more time or how I wish there was another baby we could have. He let me fill a puddle on his chest and rubbed my arm and and back. Knowing that all I wanted was for him to listen. Funny how the first 4 years all I wanted was my business and now I don't want to be done having children.